Beauty.

I just keep picturing Your smile.
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I can't help but smile back - a huge, completely carefree smile.

I run to You, and thow my arms around Your neck.
Your arms wrap around me,
And You start spinning -
Round and round and round -
As I hold You tightly, and I start laughing.
I just keep laughing, and then realize that You're laughing, too.
Looking in Your eyes, I know there is no other place I would rather be.

Still smiling, You set me down, and hold out Your hands to me.
I reach up and tenderly touch the holes in the middle of Your palms.
Seeking an answer, I look up at You.
I find it once again in Your eyes;
Looking back at me lovingly; comforting me.

I slowly smile back at You.
(How could I not smile back?)
You grasp my hands, still laying in Yours,
And spin me again,
Round and round and round.

And we laugh,
That throw-your-head-back, show-your-pearly whites kind of laugh,
And I don't know why I'm laughing,
But for some reason I can't stop,
Just like the spinning,
Round and round and round...

The colors fly around us -
Orange, yellow, green, blue -
Bright and brilliant.
I can't tell if we're in a field or in a dessert,
But that doesn't matter,
Because my eyes are focused on You
and that beautiful smile.
It's all revolving around You,
And You're that only thing that stays the same.

Nothing else around us matters -
All that matters is that You're here,
And I am finally with You; in Your arms.
As long as I keep my gaze on You,
The world doesn't even seem to exist.

It's You.
It's all You,
You and those reassuring eyes,
That enchanting smile,
Those perfect hands -
Perfect because they mean that I never have to leave You. <3


My Beloved is mine, and I am His. :)

For the Joy before Him

Who knew that a baby would solve all their problems?

He seemed to be a lot of trouble at first - her fiance was ready to leave her when he found out. Thank God (and His angel) that didn't happen. She really needed Joseph.

But oh, man, was that ride to Bethlehem difficult. A donkey isn't the most comfprtable animal to ride on, especially in the third trimester. She and Joseph were tired when the reached the town. There was only a stable to sleep in, but at least it was a place to rest, right?
Not for long. Mary soon gave birth to her little baby - a boy whom they named Jesus.

I wonder if all her tiredness just melted away when she held Him for the first time. One look into His eyes made her sure that it had all been worth it. He brought her such peace now, and such joy! "Yes, it was all worth it," she thought. "He was worth it all."

Who knew that years later, as a grown man, her baby boy would be thinking the same thing about her as He hung on a cross?
She looked up at Him, weeping, as blood poured from His body. He could barely speak, but I'm sure He was thinking, "She is worth it. They are all worth this."

Who knew that a baby would be born with the purpose of dying for the world?
I've heard of babies filling voids, but this baby filled a void that no baby and no human could ever fill.
I've heard of babies stealing people's hearts, but I don't think any baby has stolen as many hearts as Jesus did, and does.

Who knew that a baby could have such an impact?
Who knew that a baby could breing so much peace and joy?

Who knew that this baby would grow into a man who considered me His joy?
Who knew this man would love me enough to die for me?
Who knew this man had enough love to die for the world?
Who knew this man had the power to defy the grave and steal life from death's grip?
Who knew this man had the power of God?
Who knew that this man, this Holy Son of God, had the power to defy my sin and steal my heart?

Who knew that it would all start with a precious baby?

I surely didn't.
God did.
To this day, thousands of years later, I can feel my Father hold me in His arms, surely as Mary held Jesus, and whisper, "Yes, yes, my child... you were worth it all."

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2

This is me being real.

It's so frustrating.
I want to be where I was,
but I feel lost from that place.

I messed up so much.
You can say it doesn't matter now, but it does.
It makes a difference for today.

It takes me farther away.

It messed me up then, and it still messes me up now.
God, I just want to get away from it!
Why can't I get away?

I want to be genuine.
I'm trying so hard,
But my attempts just prove to me how fake I really am.

Why can't I be real anymore?

Why can't I break away from this?

I thought I forfeited the ball and chain,

Thought I gave it up for good...

but it haunts me.

it stays in my dreams,

it creeps into my thoughts.

it destroys.

I gave it up.

What more do you want?

Be gone, Satan!

Weight.

It lays thickly in the room.
You could cut it with a knife.
You could cut it with a knife.

Heavy, it hangs.
Droops, even.
Obvious.

Will it ever resolve?

What can I say?

You're my sister; what can I say?
I love you and I want the best for you.
It doesn't come from anywhere but God.
Seek Him first, and He will be your heart's desire.

You're my brother; what can I say?
I love you and I want the best for you.
I have faith you'll find the way to Him...
I'll take you as far as I can and leave the rest to God.

You're my sister; what can I say?
I love you and I want the best for you.
I can't make your decisions, but I can influence them.
I'll be the best example I know how to be.

You're my family; what can I say?
I love you and I want the best for you.
So I'll say what you don't want to hear;
I'll say what God wants you to hear.

You're my family; what can I say?
I love you and I want the best for you.
Don't expect this to be easy, but
Expect to leave with the best.

I saw it on my TV screen.

People being trampled.

Employees cheering for the ruckus.

Arguing. Bullying. Contending.

All wanting the same thing.

We've barely finished Thanksgiving - a day to remember everything we're grateful for,

To remember how blessed we are and to thank God for it -

And in less than 24 hours we're inches from those glass doors,

Waiting to snatch everything our greedy hearts supposedly desire.

Is this what we have become?

Are we so selfish that we can't devote even one full day to giving thanks?

Are we so insatiable that we aren't able to focus on the significance of this season?

It's not about getting presents.

It's not about decorating the Christmas tree.

It's not about setting cookies out for Santa,

Or even seeing joy on the faces of  those receiving gifts.

No, I don't even think it's about giving.

I think it is about receiving.

Not presents, but certainly Presence. 

It's about accepting God's free gift to us, His Son, our Messiah.

Can we just leave it at that?

Don't draw huge conclusions from it about why we should give 

Or to whom we should give, or what we should give.

Can we just rejoice that He did give?

you can't beat the gift of salvation, so why try?

I don't care for

sparkling crystal
fine silverware
smooth dining tables
shining chandeliers
elaborate courses

I'd just as soon serve you some mac 'n' cheese with sporks while sitting in lawn chairs.

If that was the best I had, I would share it with you.
And with it would come all the grace and love I have been given.

A Promise to Have and to Hold

Life does not come with many guarantees.
Death and taxes are some of the few.
The only other thing I can think of is God.
What else is there, really, besides Him?

Really, what else is needed besides Him?

I have believed for a long time that God comes with many other guarantees.
He does guarantee many things:
Grace, love, eternity in the most wonderful place imagined...
But I was expecting guarantees He never promised.

What would I do if the life I have imagined for myself never happens?
What would I do if God's plans are different than mine?
Would I abandon God?
Or will I choose now to recklessly abandon everything to Him?

What if I never marry the man of my dreams?
What if I never meet this amazing person
Who will complement me perfectly?
What if this prince doesn't even exist?

I've decided not to settle for anything less than God's best...
What if God's best for me lies not in marriage,
But in being single so that I may more fully give myself to Him?
Will I accept the opportunity to devote myself to Him completely and passionately?

When I was single for a long period of time,
God showed me a verse that turned my focus to Him,
And took the focus away from me and my worldly desires.
It reminded me where my heart should be...

"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband." - 1 Corinthians 7:34

If I marry, will I lose the opportunity to completely devote myself to God?
Would I be willing to give up a passionate relationship with God
In exchange for a passionate marriage?
No.

A thousand times; no.
If I was given the choice; I would choose God.
Over and over and over again...
And I wouldn't regret one choice.

Maybe, someday, God will introduce me to the man of my dreams.
Maybe, someday, I will be able to devote myself to God and be married.
If that's not in His plan for me,
Then I will be satisfied with the King of my reality <3

If I believe that He is everything to me now,
Then I must trust that He will be everything to me, always.
If I believe that He will satisfy my needs,
Then I must trust that He knows everything I need, and will provide it.

If I don't need it, you won't provide it.
I will always need You,
And I will always have You.
That's a guaranteed promise. :)

Oh, ecstasy!

CHRIST COMPLETES ME!!!!
He completes me, He completes me, He completes....
I'll say it over and over again because it is the TRUTH
I am nothing without His breath in me

I'll repeat it the rest of my days -
You complete me, You complete me,
I am made whole with Your sacrifice.
I can't be me without You.

I can only be myself
When I lose myself in You
So here I go, getting lost again
No regrets this time; I don't regret You

Because You complete me, You complete me, You complete...

Bad Romance

In some of the best writings this world has seen, authors have carefully composed deep feelings of affection, adoration, and passion into beautifully scripted words; songs, poetry, love letters, et cetera, et cetera. 

Tonight, I am not one of those authors. 

Don't expect me to be one for a long time.

It makes me sick.

My stomach churns as I write.

We have it all wrong. 

I had it all wrong.

We cannot base our definition of love

On physical aspects; on emotions; on impatience.

We cannot base love on anything 

That comes from us.

We are imperfect humans;

Therefore, we can never do anything perfectly--

Including love.

We have one perfect, true example of love--

And that is God's love for us.

Love is not romance.

Love is not a dozen roses, or a box of chocolates.

Love is not sweet words or scented candles.

Love is not a look of longing or a breathtaking kiss.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is enduring pain for the better of someone else.

Love is compromise when you want to be stubborn.

Love is giving your life, so that others may experience life.

Love is not easy.

Love is difficult.

Love always perseveres.

It doesn't persevere for no reason! 

Would love need to persevere through romance and adoration?

No! 

It perseveres through hardships;

Through rough terrain.

And when you are able to persevere through the hardships,

Then you will be able to experience the joy of romance.

And you know what else?...

(Perseverance is romantic.)

I am not ready to commit to that type of endurance. 

Why, then, should I experience the joys of romance?

I shouldn't. 

And I don't want to.

The thought of romance sickens me.

The shallow, egotistical concept of romance 

Literally makes me want to gag.

So don't flirt with me.

Don't try to get me alone.

Don't touch me,

And definitely don't compliment me.

I'm not searching for your compliments or seeking your approval.

If anything, give me PURE, Christian love.

And that's it.

Leave the rest up to God.

Because His romance 

Is the only romance that doesn't make me sick.

It makes me complete.

HIS approval is the only one I need.

and His love--

His true, perfect, sacrificial, persevering love--

Is more than enough.

com[passion]

My heart leaves me.

I can't help but give it away,
When I see eyes full of pain,
Much like mine have been before,
Yet not at all the same.

I see wide-open eyes,
Questioning and searching
For consistent, absolute Truth.
Truth that I have.

I want to look in their eyes 

And see the purest, 

Most genuine hope

That can be found on earth.

I see the smiles You created;
The joy You've given.
I see the love You have for them,
And I want to show them that love, too.

I want to be Your hands and Your feet
And although I can be them here...
These feet are itching to move.
Does it matter, as long as they stand on your solid ground?

I want to hold them in my arms,
And tell them You're always there.
I want to hear their laughter,
And know that You are the source of it.

I want to hold their hands,
And let them hold my heart.
I want to touch their lives,
And let them completely change mine.

I want to lose my fear,
And gain faith.
I can't be Your feet
If I don't move at all.

I want Your will.

"When God's people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality." -Romans 12:13

Hey, you ;)

I've talked to you before, but it still feels weird writing this now.

Maybe that's because I've ignored you, and your feelings, for a while now.

I thought I knew you. I really did.
Turns out, I know nothing about you.

I'm afraid to imagine you...
To try to know you before I really know you.

It's kinda like,
"Which came first, the chicken, or the egg?"

I'm afraid to say what I want,
For fear that it won't be what He wants for me.

Oh, the silly vanities the human mind can imagine...
If I were to tell them to someone...

Well, they would probably just laugh.

But wouldn't it be neat if I didn't tell anyone,
and then I met you, and you fit every thought?

I would surely know then, wouldn't I?
But I don't want to expect too much of you.

But if that is what God wants for me...
Then I cannot expect too much from His plan.

Not like I deserve everything I'm hoping for in you --
And I definitely don't deserve all I have in Him!

But if I am faithful to Him, I know He will reward me
In the best way possible.

He is my real reward --
my heaven, my beloved, my husband --

But someday, I'd like to think that He'll reward me with you.
And I am willing to wait,

Now more than ever,
For the great reward you will be.

If it's God's best,
you'll be completely worth it :)

I'm hoping that someday,
I can be your reward too.

Signed,
a small piece of your future,
Mrs.____________

Knowing the Best

"Knowing You, Jesus

Knowing You...

There is no greater thing

You're my all, You're the best, 

You're my joy, my righteousness,

And I love You, Lord..."

As we sang these words in church this morning, my mind reacted as though it had never heard the words before.

There is no greater thing than Jesus, because He is the best. So I love Him.

But it's so much more GRAND than that.

What does it mean to LOVE Jesus?

What does it mean to love?

"Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person'sultimate good as far as it can be obtained." -CS Lewis

I've used this quote before, because I believe that CS Lewis got to the heart of the matter.

Love is a wish for a person's ultimate good.

Love is wishing someone the best.

Now, I'm not saying love is simply giving someone "best wishes".

It's much more elaborate than that. Much more caring than that. Much moregrand.

When you love someone, you want the best for them. 

Even if it means stepping aside from your own wants.

No.... especially if it means stepping aside from your own wants. 

If you love someone, you will give them the best.

and the best... is Jesus. 

not yourself - 

not anything you can give someone physically, emotionally, relationally...

nothing, but Jesus.

and if you love Jesus, you will give Him the best of yourself.

after all, He gave the best (and is saving the best!) for you.

<3

"All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now, compared to this..."