Beauty.

I just keep picturing Your smile.
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I can't help but smile back - a huge, completely carefree smile.

I run to You, and thow my arms around Your neck.
Your arms wrap around me,
And You start spinning -
Round and round and round -
As I hold You tightly, and I start laughing.
I just keep laughing, and then realize that You're laughing, too.
Looking in Your eyes, I know there is no other place I would rather be.

Still smiling, You set me down, and hold out Your hands to me.
I reach up and tenderly touch the holes in the middle of Your palms.
Seeking an answer, I look up at You.
I find it once again in Your eyes;
Looking back at me lovingly; comforting me.

I slowly smile back at You.
(How could I not smile back?)
You grasp my hands, still laying in Yours,
And spin me again,
Round and round and round.

And we laugh,
That throw-your-head-back, show-your-pearly whites kind of laugh,
And I don't know why I'm laughing,
But for some reason I can't stop,
Just like the spinning,
Round and round and round...

The colors fly around us -
Orange, yellow, green, blue -
Bright and brilliant.
I can't tell if we're in a field or in a dessert,
But that doesn't matter,
Because my eyes are focused on You
and that beautiful smile.
It's all revolving around You,
And You're that only thing that stays the same.

Nothing else around us matters -
All that matters is that You're here,
And I am finally with You; in Your arms.
As long as I keep my gaze on You,
The world doesn't even seem to exist.

It's You.
It's all You,
You and those reassuring eyes,
That enchanting smile,
Those perfect hands -
Perfect because they mean that I never have to leave You. <3


My Beloved is mine, and I am His. :)

For the Joy before Him

Who knew that a baby would solve all their problems?

He seemed to be a lot of trouble at first - her fiance was ready to leave her when he found out. Thank God (and His angel) that didn't happen. She really needed Joseph.

But oh, man, was that ride to Bethlehem difficult. A donkey isn't the most comfprtable animal to ride on, especially in the third trimester. She and Joseph were tired when the reached the town. There was only a stable to sleep in, but at least it was a place to rest, right?
Not for long. Mary soon gave birth to her little baby - a boy whom they named Jesus.

I wonder if all her tiredness just melted away when she held Him for the first time. One look into His eyes made her sure that it had all been worth it. He brought her such peace now, and such joy! "Yes, it was all worth it," she thought. "He was worth it all."

Who knew that years later, as a grown man, her baby boy would be thinking the same thing about her as He hung on a cross?
She looked up at Him, weeping, as blood poured from His body. He could barely speak, but I'm sure He was thinking, "She is worth it. They are all worth this."

Who knew that a baby would be born with the purpose of dying for the world?
I've heard of babies filling voids, but this baby filled a void that no baby and no human could ever fill.
I've heard of babies stealing people's hearts, but I don't think any baby has stolen as many hearts as Jesus did, and does.

Who knew that a baby could have such an impact?
Who knew that a baby could breing so much peace and joy?

Who knew that this baby would grow into a man who considered me His joy?
Who knew this man would love me enough to die for me?
Who knew this man had enough love to die for the world?
Who knew this man had the power to defy the grave and steal life from death's grip?
Who knew this man had the power of God?
Who knew that this man, this Holy Son of God, had the power to defy my sin and steal my heart?

Who knew that it would all start with a precious baby?

I surely didn't.
God did.
To this day, thousands of years later, I can feel my Father hold me in His arms, surely as Mary held Jesus, and whisper, "Yes, yes, my child... you were worth it all."

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12:2

This is me being real.

It's so frustrating.
I want to be where I was,
but I feel lost from that place.

I messed up so much.
You can say it doesn't matter now, but it does.
It makes a difference for today.

It takes me farther away.

It messed me up then, and it still messes me up now.
God, I just want to get away from it!
Why can't I get away?

I want to be genuine.
I'm trying so hard,
But my attempts just prove to me how fake I really am.

Why can't I be real anymore?

Why can't I break away from this?

I thought I forfeited the ball and chain,

Thought I gave it up for good...

but it haunts me.

it stays in my dreams,

it creeps into my thoughts.

it destroys.

I gave it up.

What more do you want?

Be gone, Satan!

Weight.

It lays thickly in the room.
You could cut it with a knife.
You could cut it with a knife.

Heavy, it hangs.
Droops, even.
Obvious.

Will it ever resolve?