I want to be where I was,
but I feel lost from that place.
I messed up so much.
You can say it doesn't matter now, but it does.
It makes a difference for today.
It takes me farther away.
It messed me up then, and it still messes me up now.
God, I just want to get away from it!
Why can't I get away?
I want to be genuine.
I'm trying so hard,
But my attempts just prove to me how fake I really am.
Why can't I be real anymore?
Why can't I break away from this?
I thought I forfeited the ball and chain,
Thought I gave it up for good...
but it haunts me.
it stays in my dreams,
it creeps into my thoughts.
it destroys.
I gave it up.
What more do you want?
Be gone, Satan!
Maybe it's not so much that you should completely give away that idea, but maybe just place it in God's hands for Him to control?? I can tell you from my own personal experience that it wasn't until I gave Him total control that I was blessed with it. Of course I may be taking what you're saying out of context??
ReplyDeleteNo, I see what you mean. For now though, I need to just completely stop thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteSomeday, maybe I can, if God has other preliminary plans in store for me...